July 2003 Archives

The one day I work a ten non-stop hours day. The one day I come home totally knackered. The one day I want to just crash on my bed at 10 p.m. and sleep. That one day some ass decides to let off fireworks. In the rain even. Thanks pal.

On a brighter note, check out these adverts, past and present, we British get to enjoy. Some of these are absolute gold and others are poo. Nuff said.

I'm confused, I truly am.

People say one thing when they mean another. People try to tell you they did something when they didn't, they did like the opposite! "I'm mowing the lawn!" No you're not, you're reading the latest Joan Collins novel! "I'm taking a bath!" But all evidence points to you drinking tea....it could even be coffee.

I feel like I need to call a meeting with all of these people. I will chair it, you, please take minutes.

This meeting will take about two hours (all the best meetings take about half an hour but this will only be a mediocre meeting. Mediocre is a funny word that makes me giggle....I digress).

In it I will stress the importance of clarity in my life. I think at this point the chinchillas will be up in arms and shout such retorts as "The moon is square I say!" We'll have to ignore them (and please strike that from the minutes). I don't know why they behave like that, they're usually such docile creatures until a meeting is called.

After much discussion an amicable solution will be agreed. You won't confuse me, I won't bite your ears. It is a fair world once again.

The giant man on a unicycle will be the last to leave the board room. It takes him a while to get back onto the cycle. It's a balance thing I'm told.

Wow, it's ten o'clock already. Let us have some Lucozade and watch the stars.