Book of Names

I came across a dictionary of boys' names and what they mean. Here's the names beginning with A to start off with:

Aaron - ugly but has the best yumuka
Adam - cute, funny and needs a bath
Adrian - usually short and very horny, watches cartoons
Alan - shy but sensitive, gets screwed over by women
Alex - cute and short but very open to corruption
Andy - nice and sweet, works in the mail room
Andrew - two-faced and conceited, become directors, CEO's
Antonio - has a great body and beautiful skin, and chicken brain
Anthony - great guy and kind to all girls, smells of weed
Arnold - loser
Arthur - hung like a slave and celibate